When we are dieting due to having poor body image, we are lacking self-confidence, self-worth, and self-trust. We believe that in order to feel confident and worthy we first need to look a certain way. We don’t trust our bodies’ innate wisdom and we deny our cravings and hunger cues. The result is a dieter’s brain – one that tends toward perfectionism, black & white thinking, and people pleasing. Setting boundaries is a foreign concept. We fall into habits of appeasing others whose validation we’re seeking by forgoing our own wants and needs and losing our voice. In close relationships, this leads to codependency – the belief that ‘I’m ok as long as everyone around me is ok’. We take on others’ emotions as our responsibility and believe we have the power to create their happiness or suffering and vice versa. Other signs of codependency include:
- having difficulty making decisions
- difficulty identifying your emotions
- difficulty communicating in your relationships
- valuing the approval of others more than valuing yourself
This way of engaging in relationships keeps us in a victim mindset. It makes us feel like we don’t have control over our lives and therefore, we attempt to control our food and bodies to regain that sense of security. Fortunately, becoming an Intuitive Eater teaches us to go from being the victim to being empowered with food and our bodies which parallels how we then engage in relationships. We don’t need the validation of others because we learn that we are inherently worthy no matter what. We gain the confidence to find our voice and speak up for our wants and needs. We learn to feel our feelings instead of using food to cope with them. Most importantly, we trust that we control our reality, not people we’re in relationship with. We know their emotions belong to them so we stop being as reactive and affected.
I entered my marriage as a dieter without my own opinions about what I wanted out of life. I was focused on looking good and being good by making myself physically and energetically smaller. I inherited my husband’s dream for our future without making any space for my own to be a part of it. I let his financial conservatism keep me from pursuing training and education that I felt passionate about, and then later resented him for my failure to be autonomous. Through the process of becoming an Intuitive Eater, I’ve learned that life doesn’t happen to us; we get to be a player in the game. I’ve learned to think for myself, invest in myself, and feel secure in myself. If diet brain is keeping you stuck in perfectionism, black & white thinking, and people pleasing, I would love to support you in developing security, empowerment, and confidence in yourself. Let’s set up a discovery call to see if you + my coaching would be a good match.