As women, we learn from society that weight gain is the absolute worst thing that can happen to us. When we’re young we watch our mothers follow diets and talk disparagingly about their bodies. We internalize the message that we should always be vigilant about our appearance. As teens, we’re hyper-aware of the changes our bodies go through as we’re becoming women. We’re encouraged to groom ourselves in order to attract love and acceptance. When we leave for college, we’re told to watch out for the freshman 15. We prioritize our looks over becoming the change we wish to see in the world. The conditioning we learn at 12 years old stays with us until we’re adults, into middle age, and maybe beyond. Isn’t it time to upgrade our thoughts? After all, our thoughts create our feelings which inform our actions, and our actions create the reality we are living.
When we struggle with body image, the negative thoughts we have about our bodies are all-consuming. We spend all of our mental and physical energy on fixing our perceived flaws. Whether we realize it or not, our thoughts and behaviors are effectively self-harming. The ways we engage with food and exercise are extreme and exhausting. Ultimately, all aspects of our lives are impacted by the struggle.
Shifting toward a respectful relationship with our bodies, we liberate ourselves from society’s expectations and create a broader definition of what it means to be beautiful. We no longer believe that our bodies are a sign of our worth which allows us to find true holistic wellbeing – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
A big hurdle to changing our thoughts is the cognitive bias ‘I feel better mentally and physically when I’m thinner’. The reason we feel better is that our current thoughts affirm the belief that a smaller body is better. In order to challenge the belief that thinness is the answer to all of our problems, it helps to consider two things:
- If thinness were the answer, all women in smaller bodies would be free from body image struggles
- If thinness were the answer, all women in larger bodies would struggle with their body image
We know those are not facts. Struggling with our body image is not about our bodies, but rather our thoughts. It’s a matter of learning to manage our minds and create new neural pathways that counter what we’ve been conditioned by society to believe. Once we know that our bodies are not a sign of our worth, our feelings and actions toward our bodies support inner harmony. We practice self-care because we want to, not because we ‘have to’.
A 2013 study in the Journal of Ob*sity found no link between body weight and the way we feel about ourselves. What they did link, however, was how we feel about ourselves and the likelihood of engaging in health-promoting activities including quality sleep, joyful movement, intuitive eating, meditation, etc. If that’s not motivation for managing your mind to think differently about your body image, I don’t know what is.
If you’re struggling to build a peaceful relationship with your body and would benefit from support in managing your mind, I would love to schedule a discovery call with you to see if we’d be a good match for working together.