Drs. Lindsay and Lexie Kite are twin sisters, leading experts in body image resilience and media literacy, and co-authors of the book More Than A Body, a pivotal read in my healing journey to body neutrality. Through their research, they’ve identified 3 possible paths people take in response to a body image disruption. Body image disruptions include things like facing unreal ideals in media, aging, pregnancy, injury, illness, bullying, criticism, self-comparison, abuse, and violence. I invite you to see which path resonates with your experience and do so with curious reflection rather than making any judgments about yourself.
- Sinking into Shame
Before starting on the path to body neutrality, I used to believe any ‘flaw’ in my physical appearance was a reflection of my self-worth. I wasn’t consciously aware that’s the way I was thinking, but the strict food rules and overexercising I would engage in perpetuated the belief that the only way to self-esteem was through my appearance. I had a lot of fantasized assumptions about what my life would be like once I achieved the ‘perfect’ body – I’d finally have food figured out and would never feel self-conscious again. I was especially worried about what others thought about me – something Lindsay and Lexie call self-objectification. ‘Self-objectification is the invisible prison of picturing yourself being looked at instead of just fully living. It’s the soul-sucking act of policing and monitoring yourself against your worst fears of what someone else might be thinking when they look at you.’ The only escape from my strict food and exercise rules was using alcohol to let go of my inhibitions which always led to eating past comfort. Cue the shame and regret, rinse, repeat. That path wasn’t sustainable and I’m so grateful to say it’s now behind me.
- Clinging to Your Comfort Zone
Even when I became aware of the self-destructive pattern I was in and had resolved to find another way, I still subconsciously used protective behaviors to avoid the pain caused by my thoughts about my body. I used to avoid certain people, places, activities and poses. I would frequently check and fix my appearance which confirmed to my brain the message that I couldn’t accept myself the way I was. I was projecting my old beliefs about bodies onto others with the assumption that they held the same judgments I used to. Photos were particularly challenging as I viewed them through a scrutinizing lens rather than a happy moment with friends captured in time. I was experiencing my body based on how others saw it which was mentally exhausting.
These two paths remind me of the term ‘normative discontent’ – the concept that women accept poor body image as an inevitable part of their existence. It’s one of the only two options I thought I had when I was growing up – that, or body love (aka body positivity). Thankfully, Lindsay and Lexie Kite are offering a third option, one that feels much more realistic and empowering to me.
- Rising With Resilience
I’m now learning to witness the critical thoughts, thank my brain for its attempt to protect me, and then choose to tell myself a different story. Instead of ‘fuck, my thighs aren’t as toned as they used to be’, the narrative is becoming, ‘I have thighs that provide me so many experiences’. It’s a neutral fact that my brain can’t argue, and is much less emotionally charged than the previous story. It’s a way of thinking that inspires respect for my body which means releasing food rules and moving as a celebration for what my body can do rather than as punishment.
We live in a society that worships thinness and oppresses those who don’t measure up to its supposed picture of ‘health’. It’s inevitable that body disruptions are going to happen, the important thing is deciding which path you’ll take when they do. Rising with resilience allows us to take our power back. It supports a mindset that’s secure, confident, and strong. When we value ourselves without external validation we return from being outside observers of our bodies to being embodied. It’s only from an embodied place that can we pursue true well-being, health, and happiness.