I am blessed to live in a magical land called, Popoyo, Nicaragua. It’s famous among surfers for year-round off-shore winds and consistent wave conditions. I moved here 8 years ago with my husband to open a surf lodge and restaurant on the beach. One of the things I love most about our now-home is the endless summer lifestyle which is much different from our native New Jersey weather. There’s always a cool breeze blowing and our circadian rhythm is in sync with the sun.
The dream of living in Nicaragua was inspired by my husband’s passion for surfing. He told me about his plan on our first blind date and I remember being worried I wouldn’t find my purpose here since I didn’t share the same love of the ocean. Tourists who stayed with us were always surprised by the fact that I could walk by the ocean every day and never have an interest in getting in it. It seemed ironic to them that I could live in this paradise completely disengaged with what drew so many people here. A combination of my paranoia of getting melasma on my face from the sun and my fear of stingrays lurking beneath the surface were enough to keep me from enjoying the gift in my front yard.
Those fears may have also been excuses because all those years I was spending my entire waking existence obsessively trying to achieve the ‘perfect’ body by controlling my food and overexercising. I considered my behaviors ‘wellness’ because I was admired for being so disciplined. Not until recently did I learn that the behaviors I once considered healthy were actually contributing to body dysmorphic disorder.
Once I came to the realization that there was a more intuitive way of living, I finally started surfing. I found an incredible community of women who supported my kookiness and inspired me to overcome my fears. I found a social activity that didn’t involve alcohol and a sport I enjoyed that wasn’t motivated by changing my body’s appearance.
Surfing helps me achieve flow state. In the water I lose not only a concept of time, but my insecurities too. I’m mindfully immersed in the present and simply being. The fluctuations of the ocean are a reminder that bodies also constantly change and that it’s possible to experience joyful living even on challenging body image days.
Surfing is giving me the confidence to pursue other goals, like my calling to be a body image coach. I was always frustrated with the concept of needing to have a ‘life purpose’ because I was so preoccupied with making myself figuratively and literally small. I now believe my lived experience can be inspiration for helping others heal their relationship to food and body. I’m growing a professional network of like-minded anti-diet people who have encouraged me to find my voice. It feels like coming home to myself and this is just the beginning.
