I used to loathe the concept of goal setting, and I can bet you might too. I would make a grandiose plan that lasted till the first hiccup, give up entirely, and feel like a failure. Then my coach and mentor, Stephanie Dodier, taught me the concept of clean vs dirty goals. It has completely changed the way I think about creating what I want in my life.
SMART Goals
Many of us are familiar with the concept of SMART goal setting. SMART is an acronym with different variations for each letter:
- Specific (simple, sensible, significant)
- Measurable (meaningful, motivating)
- Achievable (agreed, attainable)
- Relevant (reasonable, realistic and resourced, results-based)
- Time-bound (time-based, time limited, time/cost limited, timely, time-sensitive)
Are Your Goals Dirty?
What makes SMART goal setting ‘dirty’ is that it’s time-bound. This kind of goal setting is rampant in diet culture: ‘Lose X lbs by X date’. We create the goal to achieve it. We attach our empowerment, sense of security, and confidence to achieving the goal. Diet culture convinces us that life will be carefree and perfect once we can adhere to its strict rules. Then our humanness gets in the way. We blame and shame ourselves instead of the massive amount of pressure we put on ourselves.
Dirty goals happen when you believe your life will be better once you achieve them. Dirty goals keep you anchored in fantasy thinking. You’re attaching your self-worth to the outcome of the goal.
Your Goals Are Dirty If…
- They’re abstract like, ‘I want to be more confident’. There is no way to measure the moment you’ve reached confidence.
- They have a deadline. Putting a time limit on a goal is bound to create anxiety and unnecessary pressure. That anxiety and stress will get in the way of you becoming who you need to be to achieve the goal.
- You get a dopamine rush from creating a fancy, grand plan. When we’re influenced by diet culture, we often make lofty, all-or-nothing goals. We vow to go from not going to the gym ever to going 6 days a week at 6am. This approach leaves no room for self-compassion and flexibility. No room to honor our body’s ever-changing needs.
- You profess your goal by posting on social media and talking about it any chance you get. There’s a sense of relief that comes from trying to be compliant with societal pressures. The relief you feel from telling people is a sign that your worthiness is conditional and external.
- You think you’ll feel better when you accomplish your goal (weigh a certain number, fit a certain size of clothes, etc.). Feeling better is not something that we achieve externally. It’s something we create internally with our thoughts.
- You believe you’ll create safety for yourself by accomplishing your goal. Feeling uncomfortable emotions is a part of the human experience. The motivation for achieving a goal should withstand being uncomfortable. You have to be willing to feel any emotion.
- You fantasize about how life will be easier once you achieve your goal. Only positive things are envisioned in your process. You leave no room for the reality of doing hard things.
- You’re in a hurry to achieve your goal. You put a time limit on a goal because your empowerment, security, and confidence are dependent on achieving it.
- The journey is not worth it unless you achieve the goal. When you hit a roadblock you quit because it’s difficult. Being present with the journey requires you to believe in yourself.
How to Set Clean Goals
It’s all about intention.
The person you are now will have to expand to reach your goal. You’ll have to create a new identity to do things differently than you have been till now. Resistance, procrastination, or shame are signs you’re hitting the boundaries of your current identity. Learn to acknowledge the core belief that’s limiting you and power through.
Dirty goals forget that empowerment, security, and confidence are all feelings we create with the thoughts we practice. We actually have the ability to create empowerment, security, and confidence right now.
The Journey, Not the Destination
Clean goal setting is not about achieving, it’s about the journey of becoming the person who will achieve. It’s about the thoughts and beliefs you’ll have to learn to become a different version of yourself (not in a diet culture way). Whether you achieve the goal or not is irrelevant. Every emotion you believe is waiting on the other side of achieving the goal can be felt now, by changing your thoughts. Clean goal setting is about focusing on the present, the journey to achieving the goal.
I’m curious what goals you may have set for the new year. How are they panning out so far?
If you’d like to create empowerment, security, and confidence for yourself, consider applying to book a free consultation. My 1-1 coaching program teaches women to find confidence in their bodies and choices. Together we can reframe your current thoughts to practice ones that will take you where you want to go.
