Body love is not the goal. It may in fact be what’s keeping you stuck from rejecting wellness culture. Body love, or body positivity as I’ll refer to it, seems to be one of two options when it comes to body image: either love it, or hate it. Loving it feels unrealistic and hating it is exhausting. If neither have worked for you, you’re not alone. You’ll want to read on to learn an alternative that’s much more realistic and health promoting.
The Origin of Body Love
Body Positivity got its start in the 1960s and 70s. Organizations like the National Association to Aid Fat Americans and The Fat Underground formed to end the culture of fat-shaming and discrimination against people based on their body size or weight. Their manifesto reads,
‘We believe that fat people are fully entitled to human respect and recognition. We are angry at the mistreatment by commercial and sexist interests. These have exploited our bodies as objects of ridicule, thereby creating an immensely profitable market selling the false promise of avoidance of, or relief from, that ridicule. We see our struggle as allied with the struggle of other oppressed groups, against classism, racism, sexism, ageism, capitalism, imperialism, and the like.’
Their message aligned with centering, celebrating, and representing marginalized (BIPOC, fat, trans, disabled) bodies in a way that was not oppressive, harmful, or triggering. It focused on questioning the stigma (unhealthy, lazy, undisciplined, lacking hygiene) associated with assumed traits of marginalized bodies. Their purpose was about breaking down barriers that defined health, happiness, and agency only for certain bodies. It was about representation and making the unseen, seen.
In 1996 the term ‘body positivity’ emerged. A psychotherapist founded the website thebodypositive.org after losing her sister Stephanie. Stephanie struggled with an eating disorder in her teens. She later died from an autoimmune disease resulting from silicone-leaking breast implants. The site now provides resources for feeling good in your body without pursuing intentional weight loss.
Body Love Today
Around 2012, body positivity evolved to focus on challenging unrealistic beauty standards. It adopted the message, ‘all bodies are good bodies’.
Today, body positivity holds a variety of meanings depending on who you ask. To some, it means appreciating your body despite its flaws. To others, it means feeling confident in your body. Some define it as loving yourself. While others believe it’s about accepting your body’s shape and size.
Companies are now using the popularity of the movement to their marketing advantage. Dove’s ‘Real Women’ campaigns increased their sales from $2.5 billion to $4 billion. Yet they sell products designed to fix our ‘flaws’. For example, they sell self-tanners in North America and skin-lightening products overseas.
A Lack of Diversity and Representation
In my research, I came across a study that reflects movement today. The top 9 trending images under #bodypositivity were tracked over the course of a week on Instagram. Sixty-four of the ninety-eight posts featured a thin-white woman Fourteen of the images featured people of color. Only seventeen of the images were of fat women, and only nine were women of color. None of the images featured a trans-identifying person or visibly disabled person. Twenty-nine of the accounts explicitly stated that they were on a weight loss journey in their account bio. The current body positive movement doesn’t represent people with marginalized bodies. They’re largely thin, white, able-bodied, cis-gendered women.
Thin Privilege
I share all this information while acknowledging my thin privilege. It would not be as easy for a person in a larger body to speak the way I am without receiving backlash. Thin privilege applies to anyone living in a straight-sized body (size 14 and under in the US). Even people who don’t consider themselves thin still have relative privilege. Our world is designed for, catered to, and elevates thin people. Plus sized bodies face more discrimination and have less access to resources than thin bodies. Resources like non-discriminatory healthcare, clothes, airplane seats, and equal access to employment.
Someone who looks like me claiming #bodypositivity is directly upholding the idea that there is a norm; a right way to have a body. Captions that read, ‘I love myself in spite of my cellulite’ affirms that cellulite is capable of making someone unlovable. It disempowers those that are now comparing themselves and less closely match the supposed ‘ideal’ body.
The Problem with Body Love
Body positivity never worked for me and here’s why. Standing in front of a mirror repeating affirmations is never going to heal poor body image. In fact, research shows that in people with low self-esteem it often backfires. It can become a slippery slope to unhealthy habits if we believe that thinner, fitter people are happier, healthier, and more beautiful. Trying to jump from body hatred to body love is an impossible ask. In other words, your brain will call bullshit on you. The pressure to love your body just adds another impossible standard to live up to. Expecting to be resilient against relentless thin ideal media isn’t realistic.
The problem is, body positivity still puts the emphasis on appearance. It reinforces the belief that we are bodies first and people second. We’re asking individuals to improve their own body image. Instead, we should be holding the cultural messaging accountable for causing body dissatisfaction in the first place. We can start by rejecting the expectations for ourselves. By giving ourselves permission to be our authentic selves, we give others the same permission.
A More Realistic Approach
This is where body neutrality comes in.
Body neutrality means taking your body out of the center of your self-image. It gives you permission to not love your body, but to know you’re worthy and valuable no matter what. It looks like waking up in the morning and getting ready for your day without drama over your appearance. You’ve got bigger, more important things to achieve than look good. It sounds like, ‘I have thighs that move me’ instead of, ‘I hate that my thighs have cellulite’. Or, ‘I have a human stomach’ instead of, ‘My stomach is disgusting because it’s not flat’. Body neutrality is:
- Accepting and respecting your body as it is. Trusting your body’s wisdom. Knowing that when you eat to your individual level of fullness and satisfaction your body can handle it. You don’t need to micromanage your body to be healthy.
- Prioritizing how you feel and what you do, rather than how you look. You move because it feels good to be strong and energetic. Not because you want to change the aesthetic of your body. You wear makeup and do your hair because it’s a healthy form of self-expression, not because the thought of going without it gives you massive anxiety.
Body neutrality is less pressure, it takes the focus off of your appearance, and it’s more inclusive. It’s body positivity minus self-objectification. Reframing your mindset to body neutral allows you to connect with your body and your life differently. Without constantly picturing yourself being looked at, life is more pleasurable. It’s incredibly liberating to live in harmony with your body without the need to change it. Building resilience against those oppressive cultural forces provides a sense of empowerment. You live your life embodied instead of depending on external validation. You return to the rightful authority over your body image and your life.
Shouldn’t that be the ultimate goal?
Putting it in Perspective
Have you ever seen an old photo of yourself and thought, ‘What was I complaining about? I look great!’ but you remember being unhappy in your body at that time? That’s proof that we create our body image in our thoughts, not our bodies. Hinging your self-confidence on your body isn’t confidence. It’s fragile relief and safety of conforming to societal expectations. It keeps you hypervigilant and seeking validation through other people’s opinions. Body positivity is loaded with assumptions that your life will be better once your body matches societal ideals. You’ll be happy, healthy, and free from insecurity. That’s fantasy thinking. Those feelings are all available to you now, you just have to change your thoughts.
Changing your thoughts is the focus of my 1-1 coaching program. We spend the first month unpacking your brain’s tendencies. I can bet you have a lot of perfectionist, people-pleasing, and all-or-nothing thinking. Then you decide whether those thoughts are serving you, and if not, whether you want to keep them. This sets the foundation for managing your mind when your body changes (which it will, no matter how hard you try to prevent it – we’re all aging, hopefully!) If you’re ready for a change, apply to book a free consultation with me. We’ll have a no-pressure conversation about your pain points and you’ll get a taste of my coaching style. Then you decide whether my program can meet your needs.
